The Resilience Series: Type 4

A Joyful, Peaceful and Fulfilling Life

Experiencing the highest highs and the lowest lows is part of the huge emotional range that is one of the gifts of Enneagram type Fours. It’s the source of their capacity to deeply understand and empathize, which is why they can be such powerful coaches, therapists and teachers.

They offer others their own deepest longing — to be seen and understood.

They also crave, like everybody else, to have a joyful, peaceful and fulfilling life. Yet their gift of their emotional range can also get in the way.

The lower or darker emotions, which they also experience, have a weight, and can pull you down like gravity causes things to drop. And these darker emotions stick. They stick like Velcro and can be hard to change. (That is, unless you know how to create a neural pathway for a believable opposite!, which is what we do in my coaching.)

When I talk about type Fours, or any type for that matter, I really mean the “Four” qualities in each of us. And we do all have parts of all nine types in us.*

Yes, these qualities are in you, too. Yes, even if you’re not a Four. We all have different amounts of this,so what follows is for all of us.

When the darker emotions arise, the Four compares herself to others and can easily feel inadequate.

Though Fours long for joy, inner peace and fulfillment (as we all do, right?), this fear of inadequacy, often built on a lifetime of spoken and unspoken messages, often starting in childhood — from parents, siblings, relatives, teachers, schoolmates and others — that you are “less than” others, stops your ability to —

* believe in yourself,

* have the relationships or support you  want and deserve,

* believe you deserve your goals and dreams,

* live the life that you want and

* make the impact you’re here to make.

With that in mind, yesterday’s session with Samar is quite relevant.

After discussing the harshness of her inner critic and not believing that she was “good enough” in so many areas of life, I guided her to access her “Wise Self.” And asked her Wise Self, which you have, too, some questions.

I believe her answers are useful for all of us. So I want to say THANK YOU, Samar! This is a gift you are giving to the Four in ALL OF US!!!

I’m changing the pronouns a bit so you can relate to this as much as possible. Read this as if it’s your Wise Self talking to you! And of course, please change the “her” to “him” as needed!

From Your Wise Self: Believe in Yourself

I asked her Wise Self, “What do you want for her in this life?”

She replied —

I WANT YOU:
To love yourself.
To live a peaceful and serene life.

To live a fulfilled life.

YOU DESERVE PEACE & SERENITY.

I WANT YOU:
To continue on your spiritual path
To continue growing yourself, doing the work.
YOU ARE A TEACHER.
That’s part of your path.

I WANT YOU:
To not be scared, to stop retreating back.
To accept what is and live in the moment.
To understand that “what is” is the greater plan.

Surrendering to “this moment” is beneficial and wise.
THIS is the ultimate goal.
To accept whatever is happening, to love it, to surrender to it.
You get a glimpse of it. You have phases of it.

REMEMBER: WHAT YOU FOCUS ON GROWS!

Surrender to a bigger world.
Instead of retreating from your dreams:

STOP thinking about not being fulfilled,
Though you enjoy being by yourself,
and you wait for something else to happen —

I want you to START creating something in your life.

You CAN create.
You long to:

Create and maintain sustainable relationships.
To have the capacity of openness inside to communicate with others.
Be a teacher!

I want you to enjoy life!
To feel supported.

I want you to love and be loved.

YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED.

MORE IMPORTANTLY —
I WANT YOU TO LOVE YOURSELF.

In hearing that, you said:

Deep down I don’t feel that.

Suggestion: replace that with:

I believe in myself.

I BELIEVE IN MYSELF.
I BELIEVE IN MYSELF.
I BELIEVE IN MYSELF.
I BELIEVE IN MYSELF.
I BELIEVE IN MYSELF.

And you said:
Ahhh, a peacefulness.

It’s like I start to trust that things can change.

That I can trust in life again, to trust myself, and
to believe that I am not meant to suffer, that my destiny is not to suffer.
Suffering is my story; it’s not real.

Suffering is a choice.

I’m starting to believe that I CAN live a joyful, peaceful and fulfilling life.

I BELIEVE IN MYSELF
and I live a joyful, peaceful and fulfilling life.

Ahhhhhh. Yes. Try her final mantra for yourself:

I BELIEVE IN MYSELF
and I live a joyful, peaceful and fulfilling life.

It feels good, doesn’t it?

Please comment below – what it feels like when you said these words to yourself!


*Check out the EQ Toolkit which includes the EQ Quiz which will give
you a picture of how much and how little you have of each of the types.

Click here for your free Emotional Mastery Toolkit.

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