The Resilience Series: Type 4
Quit the “Only-ness Trap” and be your Brilliant Self”
I know you’re heard it before, AND, it bears repeating:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
— Marianne Williamson
So why is it so many of us stay small, hold ourselves back from being “powerful beyond measure,” from being our most brilliant self?
This is a trap most often seen in anyone who has some of the challenges of Enneagram type Four.
Please forgive me! Yes, I do use “numbers” a lot in these blogs. It’s because I’m going around the Enneagram – the personality system that describes nine different personality styles — each with different gifts and challenges.
Because these are challenging times, we are all are called upon to be as resilient as possible. I believe this is the time, more than ever, to draw on the gifts of each of these different personality styles.
In my embodiment work with this system, you are able to embody each of these gifts. When we do that, the Enneagram becomes a doorway to your emotional mastery. To be the master of your emotions so they are not the master of you. Put another way: so you are not a victim of your emotions!
This can be key to building your resilience muscles! Thus, these blogs called “The Resilience Series.”
So if you would, please bear with me. I’ll promise to use the numbers less, and commit to always starting with a brief description of what that number means.
After doing that, will you let me just “use” the number as a short cut or reference?
Hoping that was a “YES!”, here we go!
The Deep Sea Diver of the Psyche, aka Enneagram Type Four
There are several names for each of the types, and on a recent zoom call with the Denver, Colorado Enneagram community, I heard this name which I really love. As the name implies, this style loves to dive deep into the “why” of emotions, the “how,” the different texture and feelings of each emotion, and on it goes!
They are also called The Individualist, The Artist, The Creative, The Tragic Romantic and others.
Yes, one of their gifts is having a huge emotional range. They are known for their emotional breadth and depth. That includes the highest highs, and yes, the lowest lows. They don’t judge their emotions — they want to feel ALL of them!
This gives them great empathy and understanding, something they themselves deeply crave too.
They are also extremely creative. This shows up not just in an art form. It shows up in their creative out-of-the-box problem solving. That makes them great innovators. That shows up in a creative life style. Everyone who scores high in this area has had quite an unusual life path! (You can see how much and how little you have of the gifts and the challenges of each of the types at EQQuiz.com.)
Just a bit of theory
The Enneagram theory is that we do have a “core type,” a consistent lens through which we tend to see the world. It describes the gifts and challenges of that perspective. And as many teachers say, we all have parts of all nine types in us.
If you know my stuff, you know that my approach is that we can embody more of the gifts of ALL the types and less of the challenges of each type. This increases your emotional capacity and your emotional flexibility. These are the essential building blocks of increasing your emotional intelligence.
So with an apology to the Four in each of us . . . this is about addressing one of their core challenges. Remember, this is not just for people who identify with this number. This is for you if you a lot of this in your emotional make-up.
If you don’t know what I’m talking about (?!!!), just notice if any of this description sounds familiar to you or to someone you know.
Their Challenge and The Only-ness Trap that Keeps you Small
Listening to Dr. Steve G. Jones, hypnotist, teacher and coach, interview John someone (so sorry for not remembering John’s last name), I was struck with the devastating impact one of the challenges for this personality style can be.
It’s the “Only-ness Trap.”
One of the type Four’s challenges is to see what’s missing, and to compare themselves to others, and, no matter what, in their minds, they see themselves as “less than.” They see what’s missing, and all that they don’t have.
And so they stay small. They fear what could happen if they let themselves be big, bold, powerful or brilliant.
This creates the Only-ness Trap!
And this never works!, especially during challenges times.
This is for you if you have ever thought:
- I “only” have X amount of money and so can’t afford the (fill in the blank) I really want.
- I “only” have X number of clients.
- I am “only” an okay entrepreneur/coach/speaker/author, not a “great” one.
- I “only” have X number of people on my mailing list.
- I “only” have casual clothes, nothing really presentable to be seen on a bigger stage.
- My business is “only” just getting by.
- I “only” have just a few friends.
- I can “only” afford an old used car.
- I “only” (fill in the blank) . . .
When you focus on the ONLY-ness of life, you embolden the belief that you are less than, than you can “only” be your small self, that you shouldn’t be all that you can be, that you can’t really succeed doing what you love, that you’re never as good as (fill in the blank).
If you have any awareness of the Law of Attraction, you know this is trouble!
What we focus on grows.
As soon as our focus says we are “only” something, we start to think it, feel it, embody it, and then we find evidence that validates the truth of it. And then, yes, we live it.
That’s when we pay the price of the Only-ness Trap.
Change CAN be Easy
Now is the time to STOP IT!!! Yes, believe in your biggest, boldest, most brilliant self.
There are old fears, old beliefs imprinted when you were young, and lots of (old but good at the time) reasons why you held yourself back.
This does require change. And, most people think change is difficult.
My firm belief is that change CAN be easy — when you know how.
Thank goodness I figured out a way. Because this was a trap I had lived in for waaaaay too long! (Oh, and yes, this is my core type!)
After studying neuroscience in depth, pre-med anatomy, body mechanics, and working with embodiment for 50 years, I created a method for creating new neural pathways that actually helped me — and will help you, too — shift old limiting beliefs that no longer serve you to empowering beliefs that support you in being your best, biggest and most brilliant self.
It’s time to stop playing small.
I can’t wait to see you believe it and actually live it and I’d love to talk with you about how!
If you haven’t already, take the EQ Quiz – which is part of the EQ Toolkit
– and you’ll get a great discount on a call with me.
We’ll find out what’s been holding you back from living as
your brilliant self and what you can do to fully step into it!