The Seed of Your Heart’s Desire
After presenting my talk, “The Seed of Your Heart’s Desire” last week at Boulder’s Story Slam, I decided this was something meant to be shared with you, too.
It began with this: “Raise your hand if you are or have ever been shy.” In a theatre full of 250 people, it looked like everybody raised their hand. It was shocking! Then I said, “Raise your hand if you liked it.” And not one hand went up.
That’s right. Nobody who’s shy likes being shy. So why do you think we keep it up? I’d bet ALL of us shy or “recovering shy” people have done many, many things to not have to be shy, yet they either don’t work or take a looooong time to work!
One of the things that happens with shy people is we don’t speak up for ourselves, and we don’t “plant the seed of our heart’s desire.” Doing so requires that you believe in yourself, that you believe you deserve your heart’s desire, and believe that you are willing and capable of actually going for it and making it actually come true.
Shy people are often fighting those inner demons that live in our heads saying things like, “You stupid idiot; who do you think you are to want that?” “You can’t do that!,” or “You’re doomed to fail, so don’t even try.”
One of the things that came up for me after my cancer diagnosis 17 years ago is that life is too short to NOT go for our dreams. That changed me!
Of course that requires you know what your dreams are!
That’s the first and maybe the biggest hurdle.
Your Heart’s Desire
Anyone who has a lot of nurturing in them (and I don’t just mean people who identify with type Two!) is very used to noticing what other people want or need and easily provide it, often without being asked.
Here are some simple steps for turning that same quality of attention inward, towards your heart’s desire:
- Place your mind’s attention on your heart center. Your “heart center” is not the internal organ which is your heart. It’s the space in the center of your chest. To be more specific, focus on your sternum which represents your heart center. Your sternum is the flat, long and narrow bone on the center of your chest.
- Place one or both palms on your sternum. This brings more energy and therefore more awareness to that part of you, to your heart center.
- Your heart center is the home of your heart’s desire. Pose this question to yourself, “What do I want?,” or “What do I need?”
- Notice what comes up.
- Listen without judgment.
- Notice body sensations: light energy moving upwards, a contraction in your heart or belly, shaking like a leaf, a twinkling, etc.
- These sensations represent your feelings, a desire, or something you want more or less of.
- Translate these sensations into language, perhaps starting with, “I want . . .”
That exercise may sound very simple, yet many people get stuck with it. Those inner voices may be too persistent, the belief that “You’re selfish,” or “You don’t deserve that,” are loud and demeaning. In situations like this, my coaching modality is powerful, effective and quick in shifting that belief to an empowering belief.
When I see people longing for a big dream and not going for it, I see some important steps missing.
We have to start by mastering our emotional reactions to those inner voices; in short, to become the master of our emotions. This means expanding our emotional range and capacity, and increasing our emotional flexibility.
These are the foundational building blocks of increasing emotional intelligence.
This gives you choice in how you respond, which is especially critical when confronted with challenging people and situations.
Going for our heart’s desire requires other people in the picture, as support, as friends, even as challenges because through them we learn and grow. With relational mastery, those who have presented your biggest obstacles can become your greatest support.
That’s why “relational mastery” is an essential component of having the life you want. We’re not here to do life alone. The quality of your life is a direct reflection of the quality of your relationships.
Relational mastery is about connection, expanding your perception, compassion, having help and support, and yes, it’s about love, too.
Plant the Seed, Plant Your Feet
Once you know your answer to that sometimes haunting question, “What do I want?,” plant it like a seed. Name it and claim it. Put a stake in the ground for who you are and what you want.
Take determined focused action that reflects your answer to the question. Plant each step that you take firmly in the ground, anchoring yourself in planet Earth, believing in yourself, in the value of your dream and towards it. Let each step be firmly planted in that direction.
With emotional mastery and relational mastery under your belt, you’re ready to step into your life purpose, to embody the impact you know you’re here to make.
I want that for you, as I know you want that for yourself.
Life is too short to be shy, to not know your heart’s desire. To not go for what you want.
Plant your heart’s desire like a seed, nurture it, water it, and it will flourish and grow.
Join us at
The EQX Live: The Emotional Intelligence Experience,
on July 29 & 30 in Oakland, California,
and learn how to engage your body and your actions in a way that supports the
thoughts and feelings you want to have which will help create the reality you want.