Who’s the Me I Want to Be?
Here’s another way to answer the question, “I know my type; now what?”
EnneaMotion gave me the flexibility and ability to respond in new ways outside my comfort zone. AND, how we respond to life’s challenges does not have to be based on type.
I started to ask myself another question whenever I got challenged, felt out of sorts, buttons got pushed, and I didn’t like the direction something may go.
I’d ask myself, “Who’s the me I want to be?” The answer to this question is most important when we’re challenged.
One of my goals in life is to live in a way that is in harmony with my answer to that question. If I want to stay present, not argue, be patient, “be” in a place of love and acceptance, not judgment, and yet speak up for myself, I may have to change some of my behaviors; I may have to respond in a way that is NOT like my type.
Withdrawing and not addressing the issue was my old modus operandi.
That never worked.
Not speaking up builds resentment. Nobody gets to know there was even an issue. Not speaking up is NOT a way to manage conflict. Not if you want to understand and move through it. Many years ago, a type Eight wrote in the Enneagram Monthly, “WIMP is a 4-letter word!” Yes, withdrawing and not speaking up can be as abusive as yelling and screaming!
Indeed, neither end of the extreme — neither over-expressing anger (raising your voice, slamming doors, etc.) nor under-expressing anger (holding it in and never expressing it) is effective or produces the results you want.
The Enneagram theory for me as a type Four says that I would “integrate” by taking on some of those qualities of type One. That I should be more structured and it would help me get outside myself. Contribute to society in a lasting way. I liked the idea, and it wasn’t always possible, and it didn’t help me when my feelings were hurt and I’d shut down, withdraw and never address it.
It could be that the answer to the question is not necessarily responding in the way of another type.
That’s where Somatic Focusing comes in handy. Somatic Focusing shifts disempowering emotions you don’t like to empowering emotions you do like.
EnneaMotion and Somatic Focusing are based on the same principles —
- you can translate emotional energy into physical energy and embody ANY emotion you want more of,
- moving in different ways will generate different emotional states, and
- you can shift your inner state by moving in different ways.
When moving in the way of another type doesn’t work, Somatic Focusing cuts to the chase and supports you in being your best self, all the time. No matter what.
EnneaMotion and Somatic Focusing were my “now what” and have changed my life so I can live as the me I want to be!
Your comments and questions are welcome! For instance, what struck you the most? Have you had this experience? If so, what did you do?
4 thoughts on “Who’s the Me I Want to Be?”
In our extended family gatherings, I find to be so withdrawn (I am a 4) quiet and shy. If I speak up no one hears or if I speak louder, I shock them with disapproval. I then may say something odd and the smirks show up in their faces. In the family the 8s, 1s, and 2, do the talking. The 4, 9, and 6 phobic are out of the equation.
I would like to read about your concept, do you have any publications. Thank you
Thanks for writing. There is so much to say about this, let’s see where to start. I’d be curious “how” you speak up when no one hears. One of the things I’ve learned is that when we “shy” people are so used to not speaking up, when we learn how to, a part of us is so thrilled that we can blurt, which doesn’t always go very well. It’s part of what I call “pendulum learning,” going from one extreme to the other. There is a sweet spot in the middle. Not sure if that applies to you as you have such an extended family with so many dynamics going on! Would be easier to to talk with you and find out more about what’s going on inside you at the time! Why don’t you schedule a (free) call with me and we’ll explore this in more depth?
Here’s to you finding your voice!
That’s gotta be a big challenge, Nora! You’re the only “withdrawn” one in your family unit, and I bet you often feel left out, like a black sheep or that you don’t belong! It makes sense, yet — it doesn’t have to be that way.
There are a lot of blogs on this site — why don’t you scroll through them and read what catches your eye.
Also, you might check out this 12-minute video,
Change Your Body, Change Your Brain:
4 Steps to Ease, Peace and Joy at:
Hi Nora . . . sorry it’s taken so long to get back to you about your comment and story. I suspect the same “stuff” is still happening, yes? You’re bringing up a very real and complex situation — and it’d be easier to talk about it! I’d suggest you take my quiz (at EQQuiz.com) and then you’ll get an email to schedule a free call with me. I’d be happy to answer your questions that way! Wishing you all the best — AND, a way to find your voice!